Fingers crossed!

Phone interview went really well this morning. (I think.) Now I just have to keep my fingers crossed.

Seriously, who else in this town studied religion, worked in a medical capacity, has the skills of a librarian and experience with web design and editing?

I am a slave.

Whew… It’s only Tuesday, and my job has kind of kicked my ass. Actually, it’s kicked my spirit.

I just realized that I have been in public service too long. I don’t know how people have careers in this field for 30 years! I’ve only been at it for seven, and I fear that it’s been two years too long. I used to see the good in people and that is definitely not the case anymore.

I remember when I first started… I couldn’t believe how bitter and dispassionate some of my coworkers were. I thought they were just horrible, and I remember thinking that I would never end up like them because I am a “good person”.

Well, I’m not. I’ve become very much like them. And it sucks. I can’t stand some of the thoughts that pass through my mind when I see someone approaching my desk.

Maybe it’s just because it was a hell of a day. I busted two teens having sex in the bathroom; someone else had their keys (and ultimately their car) stolen, and I can’t count the number of people who got mad at me because I refused to do their taxes for them. (I don’t even do my own!)

I’m sick of being treated like a servant. When did public service become public servitude?

I have an interview Thursday for a job that could be a really good fit for me, even though it is still in this god-forsaken town. But, it wouldn’t require me to stand alone in an open space as people hurl angry threats and ugly comments my way, all while I’m basically doing the work they will eventually take credit for. At least, I hope not!

A prayer…

Yep. I said it. Why you ask? Because I’m feeling all sorts of holy since I went to church this morning.

Wore a robe, sat behind the minister, sang “Jesus Loves Me,” the works. I wonder if they know there was a heathen in their midst?

Having been raised a Southern Baptist and flirted with being an evangelical there for a few years during a clear hormonal episode called puberty, I’ve definitely served my time in the sanctuary. But it was very interesting to find myself right back in the swing of things. The two people in the sanctuary who were aware of my true (current) religious nature looked shocked(!) when I knew the words to the Lord’s Prayer and many of the hymns. It was almost fun.

I did run into one person I wasn’t expecting.

This past week I’ve been on a bit of a bender complaining about a longtime friend. (He was in the news early this week, and it opened up a wound, I suppose.) Well, turns out his father sings in the choir. He gave me a big hug and seemed genuinely happy to see me, which made me feel a bit bad about all the nasty things I’ve said and thought about his son this week.

Then it got worse. My cohort asked me how I knew the man and I (briefly) explained. She then mentioned how badly she felt for the man, since his wife was so ill with cancer. Full on guilt. Here I’ve been hating on this old friend while his mother has apparently been extremely ill. No matter what he did, I hate to think of what he must be going through. His mother is a wonderful woman, and they are very close, so I know it must be tearing him apart.

I no longer felt that I belonged in the church and I high-tailed it out of there. From holy to hellish…

I’m not one to pray, but if I was… Only good thoughts for her.

New look.

So I had to change the theme… The old one was very limited–now I can do so much more. I really loved the old design, but a girl needs some widgets now and then!

Things I’m into right now:

1. Brett Dennen – If I didn’t know better, I’d think Paul Simon and Tracy Chapman had a red-haired love child.
2. Jason Castro on American Idol (I know, I know. I still suck. It’s practically illegal, but baby boy has some killer eyes.)
3. Alana Davis’ first album
4. Grilled portobello sandwiches on ciabatta bread
5. My new Smithsonian magazine subscription

It’s a Process…

I met someone. Well, sort of. Using that site that should not be named, I met someone kind of interesting. We started calling each other about a month ago, and the whole thing seemed to have great potential. And then he kind of freaked out on me. He “broke up” with me–a few times actually–all because I didn’t return phone calls within his uncommunicated time frame. Hmmm….

Should’ve been a sign. But I hung on through the crazy because I was so damn intrigued. No more. He called a few nights ago, drunk and babbling, and giving full view of the other not-so-nice side of his personality. How do I keep ending up in this place? Sharing parts of myself with people who want to tell me how to feel and who to be, and then treat me like crap.

But, it’s a process…

And, it’s not been all bad. I have learned so much about myself and what I need from a person. Which leads me to here–I just called a guy and asked him out. M. first asked me out back when I was in college. We spent time together through the years, but I was never very fair to him. I never gave him a chance for some pretty silly reasons. But, here’s a guy who has all the essentials I need–He’s kind, intelligent, funny, caring, etc. And he likes the same bad TV that I do!

I’m not imagining that we’ll start dating, but it sure can’t hurt to repair a long-neglected friendship. And, who knows? Maybe I’ll be a bit smarter this time…

Yummy TV Morning

So how surprised was I Monday morning? Bravo decided to treat me with continuous episodes of my second-favorite show of all time! (M*A*S*H will always hold that top spot, whether I’m sick of it or not.)

The West Wing was on. Oh, how I have missed having the opportunity to catch up with President Jed, Josh, Toby and the gang. Bravo, please give us a few episodes every week!

And, thinking of my favorite shows… This is still the best series finale ever.