Oh my!

Here I am, after all these months of looking for a change… I’m still working at the same job, living in the same place, wondering if anything is ever going to be different. And then I get this email…

A wildlife college in South Africa needs a temporary librarian. There’s no pay, outside of room and board and a small stipend, but it’s just perfect for me! The school is just outside of one of the most amazing national parks in the world, and the work is everything I am good at–computer literacy training, community outreach and reference work for rangers-in-training. Dream job!

So, I have applied to work there for five months. There are lots of concerns: what to do with my house, where to keep my pets, whether I can return to my current position. But all of that can be figured out for a chance that I’ll never have again. It breaks my heart to leave the kids behind, but I’m sure I can find someone to take very good care of them. And I’m really doubtful that my current job will allow me to take a leave of absence, but if they are smart, they will. The experience will benefit the organization almost as much as it will benefit me.

I have my fingers crossed.

Hmm…

So maybe I’ll go work in South Africa.

(!)

My favorite online game…

I just wish I could find a version to download!
Samarang
I could play this shit for hours.

In the ‘hood

I love my neighborhood. I love that I can walk to 13 GREAT restaurants, 2 coffeehouses, a bookstore, a small grocery, three convenience stores and a couple of quirky shops, even though I live on a quiet residential street. I love that the area is so diverse and strange, with beautiful older homes and bizarre people. I love that people say hello to each other always. I also love that everyone pitches in and takes care of their neighbors.

But, I hate that my favorite neighbors moved out of their house tonight. I like most of the people on my block, but this couple and their young son were definitely my favorites. They are the ones that don’t mind when I knock on their door at 11:30 at night to borrow something. They are the ones I get the neighborhood gossip from. And they are the wonderful people who are willing to keep an eye on my dog when I go out of town.

I’ve never lived somewhere where I had neighbors like these. They are the cinematic version of neighbors. We don’t have much in common in our outside lives, but on the block, we get along famously. We share magazines, pet food, tools, the works. And now they are gone. Woe is me…

The hardest part? They completely regret selling their house, and they are heartbroken. Which makes it even sadder.

More TV Thoughts…

1. Project Runway – How happy am I to have my show back? So happy! And there are so many freaks! Good lord, it’s gonna be nuts. It was hard to really judge much by one show, but… I’m a little nervous, because I wasn’t really moved by any of the designs in episode 1. Here’s to hoping the rest of the season lives up to my expectations!

2. ANTM – Sad to say, but I still love this shit. Tyra Banks is SO over-the-top that sometimes it feels like I’m watching a Saturday morning cartoon. (OK, everyone is over the top.) And thanks to fourfour, I can relive every moment with the full snark. Go Heather, with your Ahs-perger’s and all!

3. NUMB3RS – I wish more people would watch this show. It’s been one of my favorites since it first came on. Even though any viewer can anticipate exactly when Charlie is going to throw out one of his graphically-enhanced analogies, it’s still a hell of a lot more interesting than CSI.

4. ER – So I was a big fan in the early years of this show, but I hadn’t watched at all in the past few years. Until two weeks ago. Is Abby suffering from her family’s crazy gene? Who is the annoying red-headed guy? Did Neela just decide one day to become a surgeon? How is this show still on? Where’s Carter?

5. Grey’s – Somehow I’m not feeling this show this season. The whole Callie-George-Izzie triangle is already boring. Ditto Meredith-Derek. If it weren’t for Chandra Wilson, I’m not sure I’d be watching at all. (Although I do love to be able to say that I knew Baby Grey when… She was on Reunion. Remember that one? Probably not. It was just me and eleven others watching.)

6. When does My Boys come back? I really like that one. (Just don’t tell my old roommate, as I made fun of him for watching it.)

My talent, my shame…

So, I’ve got skills. I can find most anything that exists in a realm to be found. It’s what I do for a living!

But those skills can work against me at times.

Case in point– I met someone on that site-too-shameful-to-be-named. Amazingly, he’s from my town, and seemed quite nice. But, in the true spirit of online introductions, we didn’t share any personal information with each other–first name, job title, hometown only.

But, like I said, I’ve got skills. I put the pieces together and figured out who he is. It really wasn’t hard after he mentioned a newsworthy accident involving a family member. But, now I know WAY too much about the guy, like the fact that this family member was arrested. I know this, but he didn’t tell me this or any of the other things I am now aware of.

So now I’m terrified of slipping up. I’m afraid that with one misstep I will show this guy what a freak I am. To be honest, I don’t feel guilty about my cyber stalking. I justify it by saying it was a safety precaution, and I only looked at stuff in the public realm. But, I told a male friend of mine about it, and he freaked out. He said that if he found out that someone had searched out so many facts about him, he would get a restraining order. I really don’t want that on my record!

But, I also can’t control it. I do this crap all the time. I can tell you what my high school prom date is doing right now, who my brother frequently chats with online, you name it. It’s a useful skill for my job. But could it also be a sickness?

My 5 Favorite Things Right Now

1. Bertolli Frozen Pasta Dinners in the Bag – Don’t read the nutrition label. That alone will kill you. But they’re ready in 10 minutes and they’re yummy! Does anyone know a good cardiologist or trainer? I’m gonna need both.
2. Sweet Honey in the Rock – I pulled out my old CDs of them, and I’ve been remembering why I love them so. Damn shame the greatest ones have retired.
3. House – I don’t know why I didn’t watch the show before. Everyone says it’s gone way downhill this year. If this is the bottom of the hill, I can’t handle the top!
4. Flirting – I’ve become very flirtatious lately. Don’t know why, but I’m having fun doing it.
5. K. – The same K. I dated at the beginning of the summer. We’re definitely not dating anymore, but I’ve found that I have a really good friend. I’m happy that I have someone who’s just free and easy. No drama. Just fun.

Closing Doors

Tonight was a big event for the organization I work for and helped to start. More importantly, it was my last night with the organization. The event went well, and I worked my ass off. So I leave proud and confident that I have given all I could. At least I gave it a good fight.

I thought that maybe tonight would be bittersweet. That maybe I would feel a twinge of regret for ‘quitting.’ But, in all honesty, I got in my car and drove off completely assured that I had made the right decision. Actually, I was pissed. While I haven’t been the most helpful person this year, I wasn’t required to be. I gave up my power position a year ago, and left the decision-making to someone else. While I still had a role to play, I was expecting the new leaders to step up and call the shots. I wanted to avoid stepping on their toes or making them feel like I was still trying to run the show. I had hoped that I could be just a good servant of the cause. Instead, I got stuck with a lot of blame when things didn’t work out the way everyone wanted. And after three years of nonstop commitment and hundreds (possibly thousands) of dollars out of my pocket, I didn’t get much of a goodbye. The E.D. told me that she had planned a thank you that didn’t work out, but the President of the Board could do little but remind me that tomorrow is clean-up. Don’t these people realize that I quit? I’m done. No more clean-up, no more running errands, no more manual labor, no more footing the bill.

My hope has been all along that my absence will force the others to step up and take responsibility. To truly take ownership of this organization. But, I fear that will not happen. Or, maybe they will realize that things need to change–that there should be an organized plan, a budget and a goal.

I hope that in a few years people will still recognize the name of the project. But it’s time for me to let go. I need to find something for which I don’t mind paying such a huge price. This project was never my passion, even if I wished it could have been. So let’s consider it a classroom, where I learned a hell of a lot–how to start a nonprofit, how to put on major events, how to juggle egos, how to facilitate dynamic projects. And now, let me find a passion where I can put these tools to use.

(I start teaching literacy classes soon. Maybe this will be the thing that inspires me?)

And to the other, farewell. No regrets.

Morning is the New Night

I’ve always been a night owl. Partially because of the environment I was raised in, but mostly because I’ve always felt that there were so many mysteries that could only be uncovered when most of the world is sleeping. For years, I’ve felt a that a special rush of electricity pulsed only between the hours of 10 pm and 6 am. It felt like there was so much that could only happen at those times, so many conversations could only take place then and so many truths could be uncovered only then.

But lately, I’ve begun to have those same feelings about the mornings. Maybe I’m just getting older, but the other morning I was up and mobile earlier than usual and I was stunned by this realization. There’s a whole other world at work that I had never given much thought to. I think I actually held contempt for it all.

Maybe I’m just sick of the darkness. I found this (horrible) book of poetry I wrote in high school and college, and it is filled with allusions to darkness and night: “always night now,” “darkness is all i see,” etc. Everything I read was draped in sadness. Maybe I was trying to tell myself something. Maybe I am a morning person who is confused and trying to be something that I’m not. (It’s a stretch, I know, given my track record with getting up before noon without threat of death or financial ruin.)

But the first part of the day is so bright and shiny. And people are in such good moods! And there are so many new worlds to discover…

No Go in Seattle

Well, it’s only taken me 2 weeks to post, but… I didn’t get the job in Seattle. Which is OK, actually. I’m happy with the feedback I got from them, so I’ll just have to keep plugging along.