And the winner is…

According to SelectSmart.com, this is how the candidates rank for me:

1. Theoretical Ideal Candidate (100%)
2. Barack Obama (86%)
3. Dennis Kucinich (84%)
4. Joseph Biden (76%)
5. Hillary Clinton (74%)
6. Wesley Clark (not announced) (74%)
7. Christopher Dodd (73%)
8. Michael Bloomberg (not announced) (72%)
9. Alan Augustson (campaign suspended) (72%)
10. Al Gore (not announced) (71%)
11. John Edwards (69%)
12. Bill Richardson (61%)
13. Mike Gravel (60%)
14. Ron Paul (45%)
15. Kent McManigal (campaign suspended) (44%)
16. Elaine Brown (40%)
17. Rudolph Giuliani (39%)
18. John McCain (35%)
19. Mike Huckabee (35%)
20. Mitt Romney (28%)
21. Tommy Thompson (withdrawn) (26%)
22. Chuck Hagel (not announced) (25%)
23. Sam Brownback (21%)
24. Newt Gingrich (not announced) (21%)
25. Tom Tancredo (16%)
26. Fred Thompson (not announced) (15%)
27. Duncan Hunter (12%)
28. Jim Gilmore (withdrawn) (10%)

All I can say is that it’s a good thing that Gilmore guy withdrew. He is clearly an idiot.

P. and the little G.

I’ve been thinking alot about my best friend P. lately. She’s pregnant with her first child, and I couldn’t be more excited for her. I can’t wait for a little G. to spoil. And, since I’ve just determined that writing my thoughts makes them clear, it has lead me to try to spell out some related thoughts…

When I interviewed for my job six years ago, the panel asked me what my personal goals were for the next five years. It was an easy answer– I wanted to stick with a job for five years. (Everyone knows that my previous record was under a year.) I wanted to own my home. I wanted to enjoy my work.

Well. Check. Check. And… Okay, Check. (I did enjoy my job for those five years, more or less.)

Last spring, I realized that I hadn’t really set new goals for myself. I think I was wallowing in self-satisfaction, strangely enough. How could I go all that time without thinking about what would come next? I think that part of the reason I’ve been so lost this year is that I have no idea where I’m going. So, I’ve been working on new goals:

1. Move somewhere. (Yeah, so maybe I’ve mentioned that?)
2. Get paid what I’m worth. (So that will never happen. But anything more would be good.)
3. Try to have a semi-successful relationship. (Um, well, maybe?)
4. Continue to live an alcohol-free life. (Doing pretty good on that, actually!)
5. Get my life in order so that I can… Get ready for it… become a foster parent.

This is actually something I’ve been thinking about for years. Then, last spring, I met someone who had actually become a foster parent, and she gave me the support to look into it further. I’m now trying to get my life into a place where I can provide emergency foster care.

In this state, there is long-term foster care and emergency care. I know I am not ready for the long-term care side of things, but I know that I can provide a good, safe home to children on a short-term basis. Or, at least I will be able to. I’m definitely not there just yet.

Of course, I don’t know where I will be next year, but I hope it is in a state that believes a single woman can provide a home for a child.

This sentence stopped me in my tracks…

“Was it only by dreaming or writing that I could find out what I thought?”

Joan Didion wrote that line in her latest book, and I was a bit unprepared for it. I had been sailing through the book, not really having to think too much, when this came along.

What an interesting thought… And I feel like I could have said it. Which makes me wonder…Am I that far removed from myself? Are we all?

Writing has always been a way for me to work things out in my head. I am sure that it is that way for many people. And dreams… How often have I escaped into my dreams? But, is it true that I can’t know my own mind without the aid of one of these tools? Or is it that I just lack confidence in my instincts? I need the confirmation of words on paper or images already played out?

The funny thing is, I’ve actually got pretty good instincts. They’ve served me well so far. When I’ve found myself in trouble, it’s generally because I failed to acknowledge my instincts, not that they failed me.

But, I had to write that down. Point proven.

Iron & Wine Single

I heard this song the other day, and I’m suddenly obsessed with it. As far as I can tell, it is only available as a single.

Boy With a Coin -
Iron & Wine

Top Places I’m Currently Searching for a Job

Portland, OR
Seattle, WA
Denver, CO
San Francisco, CA
Washington, DC
Boston, MA
Austin, TX

Oh, and anywhere else. Please feel free to send suggestions.
(D. – I know yours!)

Confirmation

It’s funny how life can give you a push sometimes. Just when I have made this huge decision to move. Just when I have started to wonder if I’m just being dramatic, or if I am wimping out on this town, the world sends me a clear signal.

It’s time to go.

Work is unexplainable hell. And I really can’t explain it. Or I’ll get fired, like one of my friends did. FOR BLOGGING ABOUT OUR CRAPPY JOB.

No kidding.

On the homefront…

K. and I are no longer seeing each other, outside of the weekly brunch.  I feel like I should be sad about it, but I’m really not.

The only thing I feel I have left to do in this town is to deal with my longtime crush.  And, to that end, I have asked him out to dinner tonight.  He seemed kind of happy about it, so maybe…  Watch me finally make something work right when I have decided to leave!

And in other news– I have decided to give up alcohol for good.  There are too many reasons not to:

1. More money in my bank account
2. More productive life
3. Healthier life
4. Weight loss
5. No more dumb decisions at three in the morning
6. No more drunk dialing (Now you get me calling you sober in the middle of the night!)
7. No more fear.

It’s going to be really hard to give up a lifestyle–all of my friends drink, all activities take place in bars, etc.  But, I know that it will be easier to change now.  Right now.  I have to believe that there is another way for me to live.

Top Places I Should Live…

according to findyourspot.com:

1. Little Rock, AR (um…what?!!)
2. Hartford, CT
3. Portland, OR
4. Worcester, MA
5. Providence, RI
6. Salem, OR
7. Fayetteville, AR
8. New Haven, CT
9. Eugene, OR
10. Corvallis, OR
11. Baton Rouge, LA
12. Boston, MA
13. Medford, OR
14. Danbury, CT
15. Albuquerque, NM
16. Shreveport, LA
17. Bend, OR
18. Alexandria, LA
19. Charleston, WV
20. Baltimore, MD
21. Monroe, LA
22. Cape Cod, MA
23. Sheboygan, WI
24. Washington, DC

I’m not sure how I feel about this list… I can’t believe that Little Rock is ranked first and that there are so many places in Louisiana.  But, I am feeling Oregon right now.