A Quote From a Book I’ve Been Reading:

“…there are times in life when you must murder the past.  Take a hatchet to what you used to be.  Ax down the familiar world.  It’s hard, very painful, but it is better to do it than to keep the soul trapped in circumstances it can no longer abide.  It may be that we had a way of life that used to satisfy us, but it does so no more; or a dream which has soured by long-keeping, or a pleasure which has become a habit.   Outworn expectations, Sister, are a cage in which the soul rots away, like a mangy beast in a menagerie.  When the reality in our head and the reality in the world are at a disjunction, we feel pained, fretted–Fretted.  Irritated.  Itching.  Flayed.  Besides, I’m not sure about this killing the flesh.  We have a saying, If it were not for the earth in our work the air would fly away, niether would the fire have its nourishment, nor the water its vessel.“

Fine, I’ll Just Say It.

K. and I have been (sort of) seeing each other for about six weeks now.  It started out strong–almost perfect.

And then somewhere along the way it changed.  I couldn’t put my finger on it for the longest time.  But this weekend it hit me.

He’s a great guy, probably one of the best contenders I’ve met in a long time.  But there is one major problem.  I think he’s an egomaniac.  Now, I know that is kind of harsh, but it’s the only conclusion I can come to.  It’s all about K.  Everything.  He doesn’t feel the need for compromise or putting someone else first.  And that’s a real problem.

I’m not ready to write him off without discussing it, but I have a feeling that he’s going to say, “Yes, S., I will always put myself first.”  And then I’m going to have to walk away.  Dammit.

‘Cause if I don’t, I will end up back where I started.  Living for someone else without being appreciated.  And I already know how that ends.

Wow…

It’s amazing how quickly time passes.  Where the hell have I been?

Things are going relatively well.  I’m still seeing the same person, the roommate is gone and the job still exists.

But, as always, I keep thinking about making a big change.  I had a very interesting conversation with a friend about a business idea, and I really liked the sound of it.  We were discussing becoming partners to get it off the ground, and I really think it could work.  But I’m also scared shitless.  Would I be an absolute idiot to leave the security of a job I actually like to start a business that this city may not be ready for?

Probably.  That, and my parents would kill me.  (Sad that I still worry about that.  I know.)  But if it worked…

What else?  Took a little road trip a few weeks back.  Saw most of the Deep South.  (And New Orleans for the very first time.)  It was good, but way too short.  And it’s just made me ancy to get back out there.

Anyone want to work for me so that I can escape again?