It’s funny…

I spent all weekend thinking of things I should write about, and now that I’m sitting here, I can’t think of anything.

So, I guess I have to post a list:

Top Moments So Far

1. Sitting on top of the (ridiculously steep) trail in Jasper looking out over the entire park.  (c. 2003)
2. Dancing with Randy in the VA after a symphony concert. (c. 1993)
3. Walking down the street in Bar Harbor in my new boots and favorite pullover and buying an apple.  Just because I could.  (c. 1992)
4. Chasing the crawdads. (c. 1981)
5. Making laundry people.  With other people’s laundry.  (c. 1995)
6. Waking up giggling with A. and watching The Price is Right. (c. 2000)
7. Spreading my knowledge of the art of the perfect sequin in Chicago. (c. 2002)
8. Speeding along the highways of Western North Carolina with the windows down. (c. 1992)
9. Singing Will the Circle be Unbroken at the opry on top of the mountain. (c. 1995)
10. Beating J. to the top of Mount Washburn. (c. 2000)
11. Holding Granddaddy’s hand for the last time. (c. 2004)
12. 4 Words–Manual Labor On Rooftops.  Don’t know why, but I always love it. (c. 1992 and 2006)

Albums I Wish Someone Would Burn For Me Before I (gasp!) Buy Them:

• Amy Winehouse – Back to Black
• Corrine Bailey Rae - Corrine Bailey Rae
• Nina Simone – Remixed & Remastered
• Nina Simone – Anthology
• Thievery Corporation – Versions
• Any Afrobeat Albums

I’m in quite a mood, I suppose.  If I still did drugs, this list would make a lot more sense.

Oh, and…

18 days and counting.

And, surprisingly, the no fast food thing has been so much harder than the no drinking thing.  I really didn’t expect that.  I’ve craved McNuggets at least once a day, but the booze…

I have learned something very important: Why I Drink.

I drink because I’m bored.  I used to think it was for so many other reasons, but it’s not.  I just get bored.  And time flies when you’re sailing with the Captain…

I have still gone to bars… no problem.  (Although, my friends are a little bit more annoying than I imagined.)  I’ve gotten the same amount of sleep.  Nothing much has changed.  I’ve just felt bored more often.

But I have a hell of a lot more money!

Crushin’

So, I have had a crush on the same guy for about three years now.

Even when I was sort of in a relationship, I was still always a bit interested in this guy.  We used to work near each other, so we would chat a few times a week and there was never any pressure.  We even went out a few times before he had some major shit fall in his lap… But now, he works somewhere else and I really never get to see him.

Sure, we still email occasionally.  I try to be as cute and witty as possible, but I think my overly edited emails might actually detract from my attempt at being breezy and casual.  I can’t seem to find a way to move on past this stage.

And I really like this guy.  He’s smart, yet playful.  He makes me laugh and think.  He’s laidback, but very goal-oriented (which, let’s face it, I could use a bit of).  And what’s more, I actually really respect him, and I can’t say that about a lot of the guys I’ve known.

What is my problem?  How did I get to my 30s and not know what to do next?  Did I stunt my relationship growth somewhere along the line?  Am I just freaking out because he hasn’t responded to my last charming email?

Top 5 Ways I Would Spend My Tax Refund (If I Was Actually Getting One)

1. VACATION
2. New Couch
3. Landscaping
4. Did I mention a vacation?
5. A maid service

Kitty Trauma

I’m being traumatized by kittens.  Well, not really…  At least not fully-alive kittens.  Only one is dead.  The rest?

OK, before I sound completely crazy, let me preface this all by saying that I am not completely crazy.  Which just adds to the crazy argument, I’m sure.

It started like this.  My friend B. is off to Vegas for the weekend, and he asked me to check in on his cats for about five days.  No problem.  I usually perform this service when he is traveling.  But when I get there, lo and behold, the female (who is not quite a year old) is VERY pregnant with her brother’s kids.  Now this is not what I signed up for.

Well, I set up a birthing area, and being new to this whole process, then proceeded to freak the fuck out.

Having done as much as I could for the evening, I raced home to take Mag for her nightly walk.  The routine seemed to calm my nerves a bit about the impending drama, and I genuinely enjoyed the stroll.  When we got home, Mag jumped up on the futon, as she always does, to wait for me to take off her leash.  It was then that I noticed she had something in her mouth.

Oh. My. God.  It was a prematurely born kitten (still breathing) and she finally dropped it right onto the futon.

No eyes, no ears, no fur.  Just an open mouth searching for food and a few cuts where my baby chomped into him.  I stood, stunned into inaction.

Finally, I picked up the poor thing and tried to assess the damage.  It was useless.  He never had a chance.  I placed him back outside where I though Mag might have picked him up and ran away.  So now I am wracked by guilt.

Then there’s the guilt that is prematurely building up about B.’s cat–that I won’t be there when she goes into labor.  I can’t seem to focus on anything until these damn kittens pop out.

They had better be really freaking cute.

It’s a little weird…

knowing that you’re reading this.  When I started this blog, it was so I could have some place all my own, where I wouldn’t feel the need to edit myself.  But now I know you’re out there.

But, on the other hand, I’m so glad it’s you.  You’re the only one I would be able to handle reading this.  And, then, maybe we won’t wander so far apart.

By the way, it was really good to talk to you.  And, congratulations again.  I’m very excited for you.

My April Challenge

I’ve challenged myself to three things for the month of April:

1. No alcohol Obviously, something that will be ridiculously difficult for me.  But it’s time.  If just for a breather.  (I went out last night and drank only dC, even after winning free beer!)
2. No fast food Another doosie.  Me love Mickey D long time.
3. Take the stairs Not every time, but at least once a day.  Otherwise I’d spend most of my work day surrounded by cinder blocks.  And that would be sad.

Why all of this?  No reason and every reason.  I need to see what it’s like to utilize self control.  I should know what it feels like to not be exhausted all the time.  I should spend more time doing something rather than nothing.

Should, could, will.

So, I guess I fell off the face of the…

I blog all day on all the official blogs, but yet I can’t manage to even visit my very own.  So sad.

This path month has been a whirlwind for me… I’m not even sure it occurred.

Another birthday, another threat to my roommate to straighten up or move out, another opportunity for him to disregard my wishes completely, another year of trying to start anew as a homeowner and take care of my lawn, another promise to make some profound changes in my own life (more on that soon), another lesbian stalker, another artist in town, another desire to change jobs, another plan to get out of this town for a breather.

I wonder if I’ll read this a year from now, and say, “Yep.  Still there.”  God, I hope not.

But–new friends, new goals for myself, a new season, new books, new opportunities… I really can’t complain.