just below the surface…

Do you ever feel that you are floating just below the surface?  The water is cold and dark, full of life and numbing all at once.  You can breathe but just barely, and your vision is almost nil.  Just that one clear spot ahead and the rest is swirling around…

Yeah, that’s how I feel these days.  Except I don’t recognize what is in my power to see.  Or I just don’t have anything worth focusing on.  And I think I am enjoying this cold, dark place a little too much.

I’ve gone through these phases before.  Nights end later–say 3 am instead of midnight.  There are no major chapter headings, paragraph breaks.  It might as well be one long day, and I get the feeling that all would be the same if I slept through that long day.

Someone told me the other night that I am too serious.  I thought he was nuts.

Oops.

[So I read over this and realized that it seemed sort of sad.  It's just a phase, really.  It tends to happen whenever I find myself in a relationship of some sorts.  Isn't that strange?  It's when I have fallen into one of those pseudo-ships where we both know it's not right, not going anywhere, and not providing any real sense of satisfaction.

I know, I know.  Just end it, right?

Easy for you to say.]